The reason why I’m thankful cancer will forever be part of my life story

An unlikely title never resonated with more truth.

On this Thanksgiving evening, as I settle cozily into the nook of the couch to work on graduate applications, a Glen Miller record turns and the family prepares for a rousing round of Scattergories, cup of tea in hand.

I’d be lying if I denied ever wondering if I had experienced my last Thanksgiving, last Christmas, etc. so today feels a bit of a hallmark moment.

Gratitude is an odd feeling. After this whole journey there was large amount of externalized, raw, emotional gratitude. Let’s just say the #cancerfree party was a rip-roaring success. For those of you who were able to make it, please know, that the night will be one I will never forget.

In contrast is a simple evening like tonight. After a traditional family gathering this afternoon, getting to catch up with cousins and enjoy the typical wonderful Thanksgiving foods, the thankfulness fills the background, subdued but certainly not any less meaningful. Instead gratitude is internalized, it permeates every thought, the smallest moments taken take on the most meaning. I have begun to see the immense value in the little gestures, the simple pleasures, the comfortable moments.

As a cancer-survivor (still a weird phrase to write) one thought that I constantly find myself battling is the fear of remission. While the prognosis at this point for survival is pretty fantastic as far as cancers go, fear can always find a way in. Which is why I’m thankful I had cancer. Because daily I have the choice to say a) I’m going to choose to live in fear b) I’m going to choose to live a life free of fear, full of appreciation for life, and trying the make the most of each moment.

Option B isn’t always the easiest, but it is the one I’ve chosen. For this perspective I will always be thankful.

-Paul