Behold, the new has come
August 7th, 2015
Most of you have been following my journey so far, but here’s recap:
After a routine visit to a vigilant doctor, a trip back home instead of to the middle of the South Pacific, and then six challenging, but not impossible, months of chemotherapy at City of Hope South Pasadena I finished my treatment and believed that having to fight cancer was a thing of the past. I found a job in the Department of Stem Cell Biology and Regenerative Medicine at the Keck School of Medicine of USC as a research lab technician and prepared to go to graduate school. After much consideration, I chose a Ph.D. program in Biology at Stanford; I will be doing my research with the Lowe Lab at Hopkins Marine Station. Around the same time, I went in for my 6 month CT-scan and PET-scan which together revealed that there were once again large cancerous masses in my lymph nodes. This clearly was not good news.
Recently, I finished the salvage chemotherapy portion of my treatment, a clinical trial at City of Hope with brentuximab vedotin, a drug that specifically targets Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I tolerated it decently, though during some infusions I had strong allergic reactions and some bad muscle cramping. The most recent PET-scan I had showed that I was currently in a state of remission. This was good news.
Which leads us to the next step in this journey, a medical experience that borders on the supernatural: an autologous stem cell transplant.
The general concept is outlined in the graphic below:
In the next few weeks I will begin this treatment. First, a mobilization treatment will bring stem cells from the bone marrow into the peripheral bloodstream. Once these stem cells are in the bloodstream, the collection process begins. Next I will be treated with a week of high-dose chemotherapy and possibly a round of targeted radiotherapy to kill any remaining cancer cells and to destroy the existing bone marrow. The treatment will leave me incredibly weak, without an immune system. Subsequently, my own healthy stem cells will be infused back into my body with the aim that they will engraft and form the new marrow over the process of a few weeks. This entire process will take about a month in the hospital and then I will spend approximately the next six months slowly recovering and regaining strength.
While most of you probably know that I’m scientific, you might not be as aware that I also consider myself spiritual. I’m generally not one to broadcast my particular opinions on religion, partially because I see faith as an incredibly personal experience. If I was to ever share my opinions or experiences with Christianity I’d much prefer to do it casually, over a beer or coffee. But for now, we find ourselves here.
I have deeply wrestled with my faith throughout this experience and throughout the many discussions with close friends and family members. However, I have been overwhelmed by their willingness to openly discuss my doubt. As I slowly start to come to terms with the current situation and the upcoming extensive treatment, I can’t help but notice the parallels to a recurring theme throughout Jesus’s teachings. He instructs, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it" (Matthew 16:24-25).
This has been a continual struggle to understand. Previously, this concept seemed relatively obscure and hard to wrap my mind around, but the concept of “dying to self” to be reborn is now a very real thing. Even just recently I found out that the day the healthy stem cells are given back to me is considered “day zero.” It really is a fresh start.
What this has meant practically to me is choosing to trust. First, it means trusting my doctors and City of Hope, trusting that they will do everything within their human power to bring healing. And now, even after years of faith, I am still learning to trust in the Good News. That there is an incredibly loving God who sees people through their toughest circumstances. The prime example being Jesus, the son of God, bearing the sins of the world on the cross (not good news). But his resurrection brings forth a new love, a new power, and a new reality (this is very good news).
It’s hard to explain, and even harder to truly understand, what this new reality is, but perhaps one way to think about it is to imagine walking through a forest without your glasses. Everything is blurry and you’re stumbling, grasping to make sense of your surroundings. But once you put the glasses on, everything sharpens and comes into focus. The great C.S. Lewis once said, “I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”
Ultimately, this perspective has given me a more complete peace, a way to be hopeful and rest assured.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17 ESV)
How you can partner in this with me:
- You already have. By simply reading these words you have shared in an experience that I often struggle to convey.
- As I enter in this journey I would love to hear from you, via email or old-fashioned mail (contact me for details). Shoot me a note and tell me what you’re up to! Being someone who loves telling stories, I enjoy hearing them as well.
- If you’re willing or interested, I’ve started to collect volunteers for Blood & Platelets Donation as it is very likely I will be needing some transfusions in the near future. Please visit this site if you’d like to learn more/sign up: http://goo.gl/forms/u6t9fJ48c6